Still Confused!

Timing can be the key factor in life. I still keep wondering what life would have been, how life would have been if I had said certain things to certain people when I felt I should.
The first memory that comes flashing to my mind is when I gave her a treat for getting my first job. She was my closest friend. Sadly thats what she still is. I still wonder, sitting in freezing Montreal, should I have proposed her that night. We sat for candlenight dinner at RiverView.
It was the perfect setting. But I didn't say anything to her. Maybe I was afraid of being turned down. Maybe because I didn't want to hurt her. It broke my heart when she said that she thought I was going to propose to her that night. However the moment had passed and I had lost an opportunity.
I am still confused whether I did the right thing the wrong way!

Jaane Kya Chahe Mann Bawra

Do you know how sometimes you are sitting in a coffee shop and you hear a song and the song brings back some memories. Some memories that are sweet, sometimes bitter, sometimes fond and manyatimes they make your heart too heavy for your chest to hold back.
I can go back in time when I hear some songs. Some songs take me back to my schooldays in Bombay. Some remind me of my friends in Wadias. And a couple take me back to the place, where i was most peaceful. An open door, a big roof and wind blowing leaves of a long tree, like pine. "Countryroads take me home"......why can't we turn back time.
My latest favourite is "Jaane kya Chahe Mann" from a movie called "Pyaar ke Side effects". Simply because it reminds of my last few days in Poona, spent with some special people.
I have been in Montreal for just over two weeks now, I am sure I will also remember this period with some song. Right now I don't know which one, maybe in the future I will.
And there are those songs which remind of some people rather than some specific time. Like there is "Kuch to hua hai" from Kal Ho Naa Ho. Whenever I hear it, theres just one face in front of my eyes and its not Preity. And theres mon favourite French song "Tout les Garcons". That brings back some French memories. As strange as it may sound, it reminds me of a French in Poona not Montreal.
Jaane kya chahe mann bawra,akhiyan mere sawan chala............

Aim

We take birth in a country, in a city, in a family. We get a religion. We get a race. How is it decided where will we be born? Karma? Maybe. Then we grow up, some go to school,few to college. Manyatimes not knowing what they actually want to be in life. Then try to find a job. In which field, don't know. Maybe the one which offers more money. Start working. Enjoy the money initially. However with passage of time you may realise that you aren't happy anymore.
The mundane work makes you feel like a robot. What do we work for, one will ask oneself. Maybe it's time to switch. Or maybe it's time to change or your profession.
We keep looking for change so that life becomes better. When it does get better we feel we still lack something. Why are we never satisfied? Do we even know what we look for?
As a kid I always thought age brings maturity and emotional stability. But I was wrong. With age we tend to think more about our future. This makes the mind unstable. With age relations become older, making you feel more attached to people. Thus making you emotionally weak.
Strength is achieved by being content. Content with life. You can be content if you have an aim in life. However the most difficult thing in life can be knowing your real aim.

Sudden Death

If ever I thought that I was feeling sad while writing a post, it couldn't be more than tonight. After reaching here in Montreal, not only have I felt as if I have a new life but also that I had a sudden death. Seperated from my parents,family and friends, in a different world. Feels like death. Well I never thought I would experience death in this lifetime.
Although I was having a good time on new years eve, surrounded by new people, the moment I got alone the feeling of loss sucked me in again. Loss on an entire life of 25 years. I still ask myself, will it be worth it? Am I not losing out on precious time with my family. I don't know if things will ever be the same again. I have seen the cruel face of time and that is what scares me for the future.